Part 1: Charlie Sheen Vs. Henry Rollins



There's four cruisers flashing in my rear view,
And they're not gonna take me out. I’d watch it. What'd you do now?
There's four cruisers weighing on my conscience.
There is one thing for sure, this is not a fucking love song.

“Holy fucking shit! What were you thinking back there, Gerard? Why would you do something like that? Oh my God! What the fuck are we going to do? And why did you bring me with you? Why the fuck should I go down with you? This isn’t my fault! I’m not you’re goddamn accomplice!”
“I found my brother, my little brother, my own flesh and blood, FUCKING THE BRAINS out of my goddamn boyfriend of two years! What the fuck was I supposed to do, Ray? Jesus Christ!”
“ I don’t know. NOT KILL PEOPLE! For fuck sakes! Look behind you, Gerard. There’s four fucking cop cars chasing after us! My life is ruined man! AND I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING!”
“They’re not going to get us. Don’t worry.” Gerard was deadly calm.

My fear is gone, and still I don't know why,
I waited for so long to let you know. (I'm not goin' back!)
Now this is all your fault and there’s no one left to blame.
Did you think we’d make it out? Did you know?

I don’t care anymore. How could Mikey have done this to me? I loved Frank. I loved Frank with all my heart. My little brother, my best friend, was having an affair with the only man I had ever loved. How could he have done it to me? The bastard! I just don’t fucking care no more.

Do you know?
Oh, yeah!

“Well, Gerard, I can see you’re very fucking apathetic to the situation we’re in! But I’m fucking not! I don’t want to go to jail for the rest of my fucking life! I don’t want to fucking die today! STOP THE FUCKING CAR!”
“Shut the fuck up! You’re not going to die and you’re not going to jail and I am not going to stop this fucking car! Don’t even ask me to again! It’s not happening. It’s not fucking happening. So just fucking shut up!”
“You fucking bastard! Why did you take me with you? Why didn’t you push me out of the car when you ran away? Why are you taking me down with you? What did I fucking do to deserve this?”
“You saw me kill him, Ray! You could have gotten out of the car at any point! I shot him on the lawn. I shot him on the fucking lawn! You saw it. Everyone fucking saw it! Don’t you judge me, you could have chose to get out of the car!”
“HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN? Did it even occur to you that I was a little shell shocked? You selfish mother fucking bastard!”

Somewhere out there, there’s a man on the ground who ain't livin' anymore.
And his name is written on my knuckles. Take me. Take my fuckin' burden.

I had chased Mikey out onto the lawn. He stood there in his boxer briefs, staring at me in fear. Somehow he had managed to grab his underwear and put them on as I was chasing him. I didn’t know what I was going to do to him. So many thoughts were rushing through my head. Revenge.
“Gerard, I’m so fucking sorry! I didn’t mean it! Oh God Gerard, please believe me!”
“FUCK YOU MIKEY! You did too fucking mean it! If you hadn’t fucking meant it, your dick wouldn’t have been in his fucking ass! You fucking bastard! How could you do this to me? I’m your fucking brother!”
The tears were flowing freely down Mikey’s cheeks. “I am so sorry Gerard! Please forgive me!”
“I will never forgive you Mikey.” I lifted the loaded gun I had taken off of Frank’s dresser from my side and pointed between his eyes.
“Please,” I heard Mikey whisper.

There's four cruisers flashing in my rear view,
They're never gonna take me out. I'd watch it. What'd you do?
In each cruiser is a man with his gun,
And his fancy little bullets with my name on 'em.

“Gerard, they’re going to shoot us when they get us! We don’t have a chance. They’re shooting at us now! We’re fucking dead! We are so fucking dead! Forget jail! No, it’s an early grave for Ray Toro! For fuck sakes! I don’t want to die today!”
“Fuck that! They’re never going to get me alive! You hear that, piggies? You’re not taking Gerard Arthur Way down today!”
“HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MOTHER FUCKING MIND? They’ve got GUNS numb nuts! They want to take your stupid ass down, they’re going to take your stupid mother fucking ass down! STOP THE FUCKING CAR!”
“I’M NOT STOPPING THIS FUCKING CAR!”
“So much for your fucking apathy! Why do you suddenly want to live? I thought you had nothing to live for?”
“I didn’t say I wanted to live! I just said they’re not going to take me down!”

My fear is gone, and still I don't know why,
I waited for so long to let you know. (I'm not goin' back!)
Now this was all your fault and there’s no one left to blame.
Did you even think this out? Did you know?

Ray was right. Why do I even fucking care if they get me or not? I don’t want to be alive anymore. I have nothing to live for anymore. Everything close to me, that I had ever loved, had been ripped from me in a matter of ten minutes. My brother, my best friend, my boyfriend, my lover, my band. Gone in a blink of an eye. Life was fucked. I hate Mikey. I hate Frank. I hate Ray. I hate myself. I don’t give a fucking shit. And here I am, running from the end.

Hey hey, ho ho!
Wild chase to the open road.
Hey hey, ho ho!
This car is too fuckin' slow.

“THIS PIECE OF SHIT CAR! WHY WON’T IT GO FASTER?”
“Just stop the fucking car Gerard! Give the fuck up! What’s the fucking point in running? You’re fucked any way you go. We’re both fucked!”
“You think I’m going to go down without a fight, Toro? Don’t you fucking know me?”
“Is this what this is all about? You want to go down in a blaze of glory? GLORY? THIS IS ALL FOR GLORY? THIS ENTIRE FUCK SHOW IS YOU GOING DOWN IN A BLAZE OF GLORY?”
“I guess you could look at it that way.”
“AND WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME?”
“Fuck you, Ray Toro.”

I don't know where I'm going but I'm not slowing down.
And I'll die before I stop this fuckin' car.
Street lights and white lines.
This is all I have left. This is all I have!

As we sped through the traffic lights one last time, I noticed a fleet of police cars coming at me from the front and from the sides, as well as from behind. Well, if they think that’s going to get me to stop…

Flashing lights and racing hearts.
Will you ever just slow down?
How did we end up here?
And all those sirens are getting louder.
Flashing lights and racing hearts.
I don't think we're gonna make it out.
This won't end well. (...make it out...)
This won't end well.

-----

Part 2: Little Girls Pointing And Laughing



(We can't)
I still can
(Stop now)
Remember what you did.
Your eyes filled
(We've got)
Discomfort
(To slow down)
Bare foot in a public washroom.

“I just have to stop in and see Frank for a second. I’m going across the country for a week. I’m going to say goodbye to him, seeing as how he has to go to work in ten minutes,” I told Ray, pulling up in front of Frank’s house and turning off the car.
“Okay, but hurry up man. You don’t want to miss your plane.”
“Nah, just a quick kiss goodbye. By the way, thanks for seeing me off to the airport, means a lot to me.”
“No problem buddy, just hurry the hell up.”
“Okay, I’m on it,” I said as I got out of the car and jogged up the walkway to Frank’s house. I turned the knob; it was unlocked.

Spill on me your nostalgia
And cataracts...
That fell
Behind self-conscious eyes.

I walked in the house. The main floor was completely silent. I heard some movement upstairs.
“Frank! Frank is that you?,” I called up the stairs. There came no reply. That was weird. I started going up the stairs. As soon as I did, I wished I didn’t. I could feel my heart sinking into my feet.
How could he be doing this to me? How could he, when we loved each other so much? After everything we had built. I had to stop to catch my breath. The sound of Frank and some other man’s moans coupled with the headboard smacking the wall was enough to make throw up. Why was I going up these stairs? Why don’t I just turn back now? No. I got to see who it is. I got up and continued my slow, silent struggle up the stairs. I got to the top and strode silently to Frank’s bedroom door. The sound of Frank’s pleasure coming from someone either than me was enough to break my heart into three pieces, and the tears that had been threatening to spill onto my cheeks had finally done so. I began to silently open the door.

Warm water made
(Please just give me back my heart)
This hurt so good
(Well it's been too long)
Through ivory rain
(And I will burn no more)
And cutthroat soap box derby racers

I couldn’t believe the sight right there in front of my eyes. Mikey, my best friend, my brother, had Frank, my boyfriend, my lover, bent over the bed Frank and I had shared for the better part of two years, and was fucking him like a dog in heat. I could feel my world as I had known it slipping away. Everything that had ever meant anything to me was gone now. I looked to the Frank’s dresser, where his hand gun had always conveniently rested on the top of, unhidden. I took it in my hands, unsure of what I was doing, but not caring anymore. It was then that Frank turned and locked his eyes with mine. We stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, Frank’s body still moving with the rhythm of Mikey’s body.
“Gerard.”

(Oh God. Hurt so fucking good.
I want you to fucking wreck me.
I want you to wreck me.
I want you to ruin me.)

I saw Mikey’s body stiffen and stop moving, as he turned to look at me. We made eye contact, and I lost the sanity I had been desperately clinging to.
“Micheal James Way. You are a dead man,” I said as I lunged towards him. He got off Frank quickly, knocking Frank onto the floor. I had reached him already, and grabbed him by the hair and punched him across the mouth. I stood there, shaking him by the head.
“You fucker! How could you do this to me? Your own fucking brother! You disloyal piece of shit!” I kicked him away from me, and he took that as his opportunity to run. I turned to Frank. He was cowering on the floor, crying. I took him by the hair. I looked into his face, which at one time seemed so beautiful. His beauty was stripped away from my eyes, and all I could see was hate.
“After all the things we put each other through, this? How could you when I loved you so much?” He stared into my eyes, he didn’t say anything. I hit him with the handle of the gun across the face. Blood spewed from his mouth. I left him on the floor crying. After all this, I thought I hated him, and my heart still hurt at his pain.
“I have to find Mikey.” I found him trying to hide behind a couch in the living room.

I want you to ruin me.
(Please just give me back my heart)
Ruin me.
(Well it's been too long)
I. Want. You. To... ruin me.
(And I will burn no more)
(Tired of all these lies)

I had chased Mikey out onto the lawn. He stood there in his boxer briefs, staring at me in fear. Somehow he had managed to grab his underwear and put them on as I was chasing him. I didn’t know what I was going to do to him. So many thoughts were rushing through my head. Revenge.
“Gerard, I’m so fucking sorry! I didn’t mean it! Oh God Gerard, please believe me!”
“FUCK YOU MIKEY! You did too fucking mean it! If you hadn’t fucking meant it, your dick wouldn’t have been in his fucking ass! You fucking bastard! How could you do this to me? I’m your fucking brother!”
The tears were flowing freely down Mikey’s cheeks. “I am so sorry Gerard! Please forgive me!”
“I will never forgive you Mikey.” I lifted the loaded gun I had taken off of Frank’s dresser from my side and pointed between his eyes.
“Please,” I heard Mikey whisper.

I. Want you. To ruin me.
(And elsewhere eyes of yours)
Ruin me.
(So I will scream)
I want you to...
(And dream of what's to come)
Ruin me.